Malevolent the Maelstrom

Malevolent the Maelstrom

A lone howl echoed up the side of Mount Kali-ni-cos, quickly joined by another, and another, until an unearthly chorus of 37 howling wolves filled the air, making the thick fog even more sinister for the stooped figure slowly reaching the foot of the mountain.

The howling abruptly stopped as a large metal bin, accompanied by angry shouting, was hurled down into the middle of the wolves scattering them down the slope. The bin came from a cave halfway up the mountainside; hidden from view but not difficult to find if you followed any of the well-trodden paths that led straight up to it.

A timber door covered the cave’s entrance and inside it was dark and silent until a slow, quiet, tinkling sound grew louder and louder, until it sounded like a raging storm.

*There’s a man approaching Mr Vent.*I know, I’ve got two ears as well and they’re bigger than yours. Who is it?

*A man with a goat. *excellent-you can make goat curry like when I got those 30 goats as tribute.

*Shouldn’t you be getting into your costume then?

*It’s not a costume, they’re my wizard’s robes, you midget.

They were indeed wizard’s robes, for the man speaking was none other than Malevolent the Maelstrom (not the name his parents had given him of course), a notorious and much feared sorcerer whose name was used to scare children into their beds and small furry animals into their burrows.

His fearsome reputation didn’t prevent frequent visits from locals seeking his wizardric assistance, including the latest one who was reaching the entrance to the cave tugging an unhappy goat behind him. He pulled the bell rope, causing an horrific screaming sound to fill the air, followed by a flash, a bang and acrid smelling smoke.

The door opened and the man stood, looking dazed, confused and scared, especially as he couldn’t see anyone.

‘Can I help you?’ croaked a gnarly voice. He still couldn’t see anyone. ‘I said, can I help you?’

And as an afterthought, ‘Look down’.

He did. And saw an angry looking, heavily armed dwarf glaring up at him.

‘Oh, hello, sorry, didn’t see you. I would like to see Malevolent the Maelstrom please.’

‘Why?’

‘Er, well, I’d like some advice from him.’

‘Ábout what.’

‘About my children.’

‘How many have you got?

‘None yet.’

Another voice boomed out, ‘Just send him in Sanders, for god’s sake.’

‘Come in then, what’s your name?’

‘Doggerel.’

‘Ha, ha, ha…no wonder you don’t have any children with a name like that. Give me the goat.’

‘Maelstrom the Malevolent, this is Doggerel. He needs your help, ha, ha, ha…’

The wizard sat in a great throne, two foot off the ground with no obvious support; above and behind him were grinning, floating red skulls and perched on his left shoulder was an owl whose eyes fixed on Doggerel, who stood awkwardly in front of Maelstrom, waiting to be told what to do.’

‘Go on, sit down. There’s a chair right behind you.’

The chair hit the back of Doggerel’s knees, forcing him to sit down.

‘Some drink Sanders, please.’

‘So, Mr Doggerel what do you think I can do for you?’

‘Well, I come from a great family but we’ve fallen on hard times and I want some advice on how to make sure my children do better than me.’

‘How many have you got?’

‘None yet, but my wife is pregnant. She’s big, we think it’s twins. Would you be able to tell me how many children we’ll have?’

‘I’m a wizard, I don’t read tea leaves. How many do you want?

‘We’d like five.’

‘Why do you want that many? Children are a lot of trouble and I should know, I’ve had at least 20 or so. Not really sure any more though. Spread over a couple of centuries so it’s easy to forget. I still don’t know what you want from me. I can’t do spells to make your children clever or strong or any of that stuff because the universe would just do the opposite to you, and me if it was particularly pissed off and I wouldn’t like that. Thank you very much.’

‘Well, look, my name is Doggerel. No-one takes me seriously. My wife’s name is Pastry and no-one takes her seriously.’

There was a sniggering sound behind them as Sanders slipped in with two drinks in huge mugs. ‘Drink this Doggerel, it’s coffee, you’ll like it a lot.’

‘I’m not surprised. Change your names and make sure your offspring have better names. Names that show character, not surrender.’

‘That’s it. That’s what I want. Names. Names that will get respect, names that will open doors, knock down walls and give them a chance. Names of fearless fighters, mighty wizards, lawyers. I thought you could give me some ideas of names that would work.’

‘I can do but names won’t make a difference on their own, neither would magic. It only opens up possibilities unless it’s very powerful, like curses and as I said before, I’m not going down that road.’

‘I know but you’re a wizard. You naming them would be powerful, give them a head start.’

‘I’ll give you the names but I’m not naming them. If wizards name something, they become responsible and I’m not going to be. Too old to do that. I’ll give you names but that’s the end of it. They’ll have no more power than if anyone else told you them.’

‘Can you bless the children for us. That would help them.’

‘I’m a wizard not a priest. I’ll give you a talisman for each one which gives some protection but you can’t tell them or anyone else that. You’ll have to make up your own reason. Magic won’t make them better people or cleverer or anything else. There’s no shortcuts.

‘Sanders, come and talk to Doggerel while I go into my wizard’s den.’

The arrival of Sanders made him nervous.

‘Have you tried the coffee yet?’ Rasped Sanders. Doggerel shook his head and took a big mouthful, coughed and spat it all over the floor.

‘Ha, ha, ha…You don’t like it then?’

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An hour later, Maelstrom returned with a list of five names and five talismans; to his surprise, Sanders and Doggerel were in deep conversation, probably because the dwarf was recounting war stories.

He gave Doggerel a list of five names and a small box with silver talismans in it. He read the names on the paper, Belladonna, Ozymandias, Strychnine, Herpes, Datura.

‘This is it. This is what I need. These are names of POWER! Thank you, thank you. He took the talismans out of the box and examined each one carefully. Each was an almost identical small tree with roots, branches and flowers but with subtle differences. Doggerel almost shouted with excitement, ‘the tree of life. It will have power and protection for them. Oh, thank you, thank you, great wizard. Our family will be great again. You can have my youngest child as an apprentice to show my gratitude when he’s 14.’

‘No, that’s fine Doggerel, I don’t need one,.’

‘No, I insist. I will return one day….’

Without even noticing, he had slowly been ushered outside, his voice growing quieter as he almost skipped down the slope, already imagining the rosy future.

‘You’re problem Mal is you’re too soft, you like humans too much. If I hadn’t pushed him out, he would have licked your boots clean.’

‘Say what you want, he knows a great wizard when he sees one…’

‘Ha, ha, ha…’

‘Anyway, are you ready for season three of the X-Files?’

‘I’ll get the beer and crisps.’

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It was a bright summer’s day, no wolves or anything else except twittering birds. And a man. A man walking towards the cave with a young boy following behind him. Inside a slow, quiet, tinkling sound grew louder and louder, until it sounded like a raging storm.

‘It’s our friend Doggerel again, Sanders.’

‘What? He was only here yesterday. Maybe he wants his goat back,’

“Wrong calendar, shorty. 25 years in Aanakria time.’

‘Of course…That’s not a good sign. It means we haven’t had a visitor for all that time.’

‘That’s true. Those humans obviously up to no good. There’s probably a reign of terror, pillaging and squeezing of the poor.’

‘There’s no goat but there’s a young boy with him.’

‘Doesn’t he understand we’re wizards, not priests, we don’t do child sacrifice.’

‘You’re memory is going. It’s your new apprentice Mal.’

‘Shit, I forgot that. Well, I’m not having him. It’s bad enough having one small irritating person in the cave. Ouch!’

A frozen rodent hit him on the head.

As Doggerel neared the door, it opened without any screaming, flashes, bangs or smells. He looked different; smarter clothes, manicured beard and a sword and dagger at his waist. He also had new teeth. The boy was scruffy with wild, shaggy hair and an obvious attitude from the surly look on his face.

‘Good morning, Doggerel, how’s things in the human world?’

‘Hello Malevolent, Doggerel is part of the past; I only answer to  ‘Schmuck’ now. It was my grandfather’s name. Things have changed a lot since I was here last. King Luengi has introduced a reign of terror, his knights pillage everywhere and the poor are being squeezed like the pips of a dry lemon.’

‘That sounds terrible.’

‘Oh no, it’s great. My children are all part of his court except for Strychnine here. We’re doing well out of it. Belladonna and Ozymandias are 25. She’s in Queen Acker’s bodyguard; he’s one of the king’s personal knights. Herpes is 23 and he’s a lawyer for the king and Datura is 21 and he leads the Camenbert border militia. So we’re doing really well. I didn’t have to walk here this time, our horses are at the foot of the mountain with the servants.

Anyway, I’ve brought Strychnine here to be your apprentice like we agreed. He’s just turned 14’

Sanders beckoned the bemused looking boy over and took him into a side room close to the front door.

‘I told you I don’t need an apprentice Doggerel, er, Schmuck and there’s no room in the cave for him. He looks like he needs a proper education; maybe he’ll be a lawyer too.’

‘A deal’s a deal Malevolent. He doesn’t really fit in with the rest of us, especially now that we live in the castle precinct and we all work for the king. He’s doesn’t get along with anyone; he hates authority, he’s rude to teachers, priests and everyone else. If you won’t take him, I’ll send him off to sea. I don’t want him making problems for the rest of us.’

Sanders was right about the wizard, despite his reputation as a ruthless sorcerer, he did have a soft spot for people as well as an extreme dislike for tyrannical kings and their jumped up followers whose ranks had been quickly joined in his mind by the newly enriched Doggerel.

No wonder the boy looked like he did, his father was a nouveau riche arselicker who only saw him as a potential saboteur of his new lifestyle. Still, he wasn’t sure about an apprentice, especially after what happened with the last one, Borgoi. That had caused them a lot of problems in every dimension they worked in. Mind you, he and Sanders were hopefully wiser and it would help them make progress in their current plans.

‘I’m still not sure. I’ll have to talk to my assistant then speak to the boy himself’.

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Three hours later, Schmuck walked out of the cave on his own, even happier than the last time he left, already thinking that it was less likely his bubble of prosperity would burst. Of course, as the ancient seers of Mekonovia said, ‘Better hope you don’t get what you wish for.’

Malevolent, having known Sanders for over four hundred years and being used to his bitter, sardonic, cynical outlook, had been astonished by his insistence that Strychnine should become their apprentice, “He’s got talent. I can tell. He’d also be loyal,  not like the fat runt from Curester’.

In two minds himself at first, Sanders’ unlikely enthusiasm got the wizard thinking about the possibilities an extra hand on board could mean; it was tough trying to run a wizardry operation with only two people. He’d have to register Strychnine with the Inter-dimensional Sorcery and Wizardry Association (ISWA)), a relatively recent (two centuries) split from the reactionary Institute of Inter-dimensional Wizards  and Sorcerers (IIWS) but that wouldn’t be a problem.

Strychnine sat awkwardly on the sofa. Pleased to have got away from his family and the obnoxiousness of the court, he wasn’t sure what would be expected of him here but despite that he felt a real sense of expectation. Nothing could be worse than his own family. Surely. Sanders had warned him to expect a series of lectures from Malevolent but also had told him that the wizard’s reputation was just something he liked to cultivate; it couldn’t actually be further from the truth.

‘The first thing I have to do Strychnine is put a little spell on you that restricts where you can go in the cave until you understand about what could go wrong.’

The boy nodded, Sanders had already warned him of the blood curdling things that could happen so he was more than happy to agree.

‘Tomorrow we’ll start talking about how we’ll train you to be a wizard but first I have to tell you a secret I never tell anyone and that you have to keep too.’

The boy nodded again, expecting to hear something dark, terrible and dangerous.

‘I hope you remember this as I will never say it again. Put your fingers in your ears, Sanders.’

‘No chance. I want to hear everything you say about me.’

 Malevolent pulled a face at the boy, ‘See he never listens to me. Me and the poison dwarf have worked and lived together for centuries and despite everything I say about him, he’s a good friend of mine, an excellent wizard and a terrible cook. I think with you and maybe another apprentice alongside, we’ll be able to a lot of things.’

Some months later, or days, depending on which calendar you use, local time or Universal Time Processing  Method (UTPM), Strychnine and his two new guardians, set off on what the Wizard called, with a slightly raised eyebrow, a strategically necessary reconnaissance trip. Strychnine who had felt completely bewildered, ever since his arrival, was now comfortable being back on a horse. This was something that he was used to and didn’t need explaining to him. As much as he liked Sanders and Malevolent, and appreciated their semi-gruff kindness, they were so different to anyone else he’d ever met. Most of the time, he didn’t understand what they were talking about, which made replying difficult. Aside from that, the strangeness of where they lived and everything in it was overwhelming.

Riding out onto the great plain of the Stroud was the relief he’d wanted though he was immediately disappointed as they turned along the perimeter rather than galloping across as he’d hoped. Soon they crossed from the plain into the notorious Voorth, home to the outlawed, the outlandish and the forbidden; he should have guessed.

Malevolent in front, him next and Sanders in the rear. The Wizard would stop, listen, frown and ride on again, ever more slowly. The dwarf was cursing behind him on his horse that looked like an oversized dog. Rather than going straight into the hills, bush and woods, they were sweeping round, going down in a spiral. The wizard stopped again; Strychnine, at the same time, noticed smoke pluming out of a small clearing near the side of the gorge. They dismounted and led their horses forward until the wizard stopped again. “Make a circle with the horses.”

Malevolent took his staff and drew a circle around them all, whilst chanting quietly, ending with a flash from the piece of wood. “The horses won’t move now and they’re safe here, Get your weapons ready.” He led down a small bushy slope, then through undergrowth and now they could hear shouting. Strychnine cou;ld see the roof of a hut and felt nervous. He was used to training with swords but had never used one in anger and he wondered if he would know who was doing the shouting. Probably. Sanders and Malevolent split up, with Strychnine following the dwarf as indicated by the latter’s gesture. There was enough bush to cover them as they neared the hut and Sanders put an arrow to his bow. Still hidden, they could now see 4 soldiers swords and knives, shouting and pulling at an old man; more shouting came from within. More soldiers, he thought. But then a girl with curly red hair ran out brandishing a spear; it went straight through a soldier. Letting go, she drew a sword and thrust it through the heart of another, killing him. As Strychnine watched, one of the remaining soldiers pulled back the old man’s head and cut his throat just as an arrow lodged in his eye. The final soldier turned to run from the girl but was hit by another dwarf arrow and fell. The girl, pulling out another weapon, a large knife slashed and stabbed at the body as Malevolent appeared at the side of the old man. It was too late.

“You can put it away now”, growled the dwarf as Strychnine stood holding his sword, feeling useless while the girl stared at the old man and the wizard cradled his head. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t know what was going to happen. Anyway, let’s go for a walk and leave the wizard and girl to it. I’ll tell you what’s going on here.”

They walked off towards the bush. “Have you ever heard of this place, the village of the Wise?”

“I think it’s the same place that the court called ‘the Devil’s Vein’ but I don’t know much about it. What did the soldiers want with the old man?”

“Treasure, secrets, wisdom, the usual things.”

“They didn’t find it then?”

“Oh, they did, but they killed it. He was the wisdom; the last of the people who lived here for hundreds of years. Apart from the girl. He wouldn’t have told them anything anyway and he was dying; that’s why we came here.”

“I was told that the people in the Devil’s vein were possessed and evil. They pretended to help but only wanted to get people under their control.”

That’s what those in charge always say. No, they cultivated plants and herbs that had healing properties, that helped with illnesses. Over time, they were harassed by soldiers, taxmen and bandits egged on by the court. Some of them left, some of them died of old age and only a few like Teodor remained. About three years ago, soldiers came and destroyed the whole village, the gardens, the plants, everything useful. They wanted people to go to the official doctors. Then, Teodor and his granddaughter came back, even though we told them not to, to go elsewhere but he wouldn’t listen. He had become the figurehead and thought it was important to try to rebuild everything. However, the King’s Chancellor, Ubiquitor, was convinced that Teodor had some hidden manuscripts that he could use for his own benefit. Of course he didn’t, it was all in his head. Unfortunately, we were too late this time.”

By now, they had come back to the clearing. The bodies of the soldiers still lay on the floor but there was no sign of the girl and her grandfather. Malevolent stood looking at the hut, staff in his hand. As they walked towards him, the girl emerged, dragging two large bulging blankets; her and the wizard spoke briefly and the girl stood in Freont of the hut, legs and arms stretched out. The wizard pointed his staff at the hut and the girl started to chant faster and faster as a beam of light shot from his staff and the hut burst into flames. The chanting became a scream that seared into their ears, as if they’d melt off. When she stopped, there were no other noises, not even from the birds. The wizard gestured to the two behind him to get the blankets out but the girl shook her head and pulled them herself.

“Strychnine, meet our new apprentice, Hawthorn.”